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13 July 2013

If you would have told me five years ago...



A few weeks ago I was talking with my brother who was getting ready to buy a home in Minneapolis.  As we both shared our thoughts on the excitement of this big step and praised God for his provision for he, Julia and Caleb, my brother said “if you would have told me five years ago I'd be buying a house in Minneapolis I would have said 'huh, what happened to my life?’"  Of course five years ago Paul had been enjoying the benefits of living in sunny California for almost a decade and was dating Julia who was living in Washington DC.  At the time they didn't realize they would be called to live in the north star state. 

May 2013
(10 years since Masters Graduation)
Isn't that just how it seems to go?  It seems life can be full of surprises and things I would not have imagined.  There are moments where I pause and wonder, how did I get here?  But it's those times that help me realize I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.  Today I’m finding myself in one of those moments.  If you would told me five years ago I would be on a plane and flying to California to begin a four (or five) year journey toward a doctorate I would have said are you kidding me?  But here I am.

Tonight I'm at a retreat with my new doctorate cohort.  After a few years, lots of reading, writing, researching and writing some more, and seven or so trips across the country, I will hold a Ed.D. in Higher Education Leadership.  It’s not that I don’t want to be returning to school or that it’s so out of left field that I would be enrolling in a doctoral program, it’s just that it hasn’t been a known or spoken goal of mine.  I often get envious of people who know exactly what they want out of life as they flaunt their five and ten year plans and point to the steps they will take to get there.  This is just not me.  A couple years ago while expressing how others seem to have a plan for their lives and I seem to happen upon things as they come, a friend suggested that small decisions I’ve made have steered my life just as the slight adjustments to a boat rudder affect the course of a boat.

It's true, I choose to live life in the moment and trust the Lord to order my steps.  But, looking back I can see how little decisions have led my life to this instant.  I see how the Lord has brought people, experiences and opportunities across my path and how those have brought me to where I am today.   It’s my hope that my journey has taken me to places where I have loved God and others with all my heart, soul and mind and that I have been true to his calling. 

Throughout this spring the idea of starting grad school illuminated my fear of commitment, highlighted some insecurities and challenged my thoughts on where I thought I'd be at this stage of life.  Through the process of committing to the program I’ve needed to release my expectations for my future, re-surrender my calling to the Lord and trust that I have what I need to do this.  

So, today as I ponder how did I get here? and can I really do this?, I'm reminding myself of God’s faithfulness over the past forty years and how by God’s grace even throughout this program I’ll continue to make small modifications that will point me to my calling and make me a deeper servant of Christ. 

posted by asvdw at 12:19 AM

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

His plans for you are perfect. I love to watch you walk surrendered and hopeful. You are an inspiration. - Jackie

July 13, 2013 at 11:53 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so glad you posted this. praying for you friend.

July 17, 2013 at 1:45 AM

 

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